Okay, for today's edition, let's look at some rules that all bus riders should live by:
1) Don't eat your breakfast of Corn Nuts while on the bus. I mean, really? WTF? I love a good corny breakfast as much as the next guy and the smell of the snack doesn't bother me too much. But at 5 in the morning? Hell no.
2) Go easy on the cologne/perfume/body spray/smelly shit in general. Now this is one I have to be careful about, as, being a cyclist as well, I tend to work up a sweat on those days when I know I am cutting it close to making the bus connection. So, I suppose, sometimes I smell. However, it is just patently offensive when someone gets on the bus and a cloud of noxious chemical-created scent envelopes the whole bus. If you can smell your own cologne, its way, way too much. Here's the thing - the folks who wear a lot of scent tend to wear the cheap stuff - on the whole - and the cheap stuff has this inverse proportion thing going on. The more you wear the worse it smells. The same thing happens with expensive cologne, but not as dramatically.
3) If you're going to sleep, don't snore. Actually, I don't care about that. I wear my headphones and generally can't hear it.
4) No one wants to see the latest post your best friend from high school, circa 1954, just posted to your wall in Facebook. In fact, no one wants to see anything having to do with your facebook, cute emails, or other internet garbage. Keep your phone in your own hand and the screen facing your blank face.
5) If your phone rings, either answer it or hit the ignore button. Don't just let it ring until it goes to voice mail. Your Call Me Maybe ringtone is tired and NO ONE wants to hear it and have that god forsaken song stuck in their head for the rest of the day.
6) If you're going to bring a soda on the bus - the supersized jug from McD's - keep a firm grip on it. Don't set it on the seat between yourself and the passenger next to you. He or she doesn't want your soda on his or her lap.
7) Kitten? Really? Since when is bringing an animal on the bus a thing? Really?