III

I've been trying to write stories for years. That novel that is supposedly buried inside me. My story.

And I can't do it. Not for trying. I've folders folders of starts without ends. I get bored or busy and the thread of the idea gets lost.

Yet that is not the only reason for the starts without ends. The bigger reason I never get around to finishing is fear. I seem to always get to the point in my writing where something pit to page is too close to the real truth, too close to me, and I get scared of what else will come out, what other long suppressed emotion will bubble up. Of who will read my story and engage in the intentional fallacy and equate the characters and situations with autobiography.

So I put the writing aside and stick to writing things like this blog where I don't have to worry about emotion or 'truth'. Where I only need to focus on the ideas that float in my head at any given moment.

I find that there are many similar situations in life. Situations where we give up or take the easy road because of fear.

I remember when I started commuting by bike. There was a lot of fear there. How would I make it through the winter? What would-be do if I broke down? What if I injured myself? What about riding with traffic? Traffic?

My first year commuting saw me carrying a full extra set of clothes, an extensive tool kit, and two tubes and a patch kit.

Slowly, when I realized that I wasn't using any of the extra baggage I was carrying with me each day, I started to jettison it. I started getting over the fear and grew confident in my abilities and preparedness.

I don't recall the sense of fear when first learned to drive at age 14. I took a class just like most of the kids went to school with and by the time I had my license, I was already nearly to that old pro stage.

With any endeavor there is fear of the unknown at the star, but eventually, if we can push it aside long enough to prove our skills, the fear resolves into confidence and we cab accomplish some amazing things. Of course, letting go of the fear is the hardest first step. To just let it go. Amazing. 

Now, about that novel...